I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i've created a new STD.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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