Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
