there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
