Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
this boner is exhausting
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
