Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
