At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
