I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
