this beer tastes like vomit already
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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