I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
