P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
