I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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