I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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