I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
