I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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