she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
