do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
