Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
