I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I can't put those talents on a resume
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
