At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
