Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
