she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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