we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The 33 Worst Things Men Have Said While Hitting On Women
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?