Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.