his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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