Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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