i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
