I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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