Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
