my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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