Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
