did you get engaged???
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
