i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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