On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
