I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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