Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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