before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
