i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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