Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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