Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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