I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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