so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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