For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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