She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
