he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
