If i come over, it means nothing
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
