I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
