If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
