Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
