i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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