Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
