After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
