I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
