Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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