my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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