My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i need some magic done to my vagina
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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