He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
