I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
