I skipped work to stalk him.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
