It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
