I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
