No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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