Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
