Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
