Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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