Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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