hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
