I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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