I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
