i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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