Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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