i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
