Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
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No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
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As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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