Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
