Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
