I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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